You Can Get Arrested for That 2 Guys, 25 Dumb Laws, 1 Absurd American Crime Spree

1 ABSOLUTE BALDERDASH "A wanghee? What the hell is a wanghee?" It was Christmas Day, and I had left my friends in the pub in order to play Balderdash with my eleven-year-old neighbour and his family. Balderdash is like a board game version of Call My Bluff, and it's a favourite Yuletide game for my neighbours, the Ellis family. The player acting as quizmaster reads out a question, and the individual players make up plausible answers. The quizmaster selects up to six answers to read out, including the real one. Your aim is to make your fabrication so believable that your opponents select it instead of the real one. As the game progressed, many of the family members fell by the wayside. Lewis, the eleven-year-old, and his brother, Danny, remained strong competitors, but their mum and grandparents struggled with the ever-increasing pace of the game. You could tell that Linda, Lewis' grandmother, was the most in need of help--her countless shrugs and blank stares were a dead giveaway. Each of her responses was either an unwitting "Oh, the second one" or "I don't know. I'll go for the same as Lisa." These answers always prompted an ardent outcry from Lewis, who was starting to become frustrated at his nan's inability to follow the play. She was sound in mind, but when it really counted--playing board games--she clearly lacked the relevant criteria required for victory. Lewis was in total charge. He was the youngest player in the game and wanted to win it fairly, and I respected him for his integrity. He was also the most competitive, and as he was just a mere point from victory, he obviously didn't need any favours. I, on the other hand, was five points from being crowned Balderdash champ, and not only did I need to come up with a definition that would fool everybody, but also I would have to choose the true meaning of the word after all the definitions had been read out. This was the most crucial stage in the game, and as Lewis selected a card from the box, he clearly thought that even though he was the designated reader and this turn was probably going to be a non-scoring round for him, his substantial lead couldn't slip--only a miracle would stop him from claiming board game supremacy when it was my turn to play quizmaster. A wanghee . . . a bloody wanghee? I thought. This made-up definition had to be brilliant--good just wouldn't cut it. "Hurry up!" shouted Lewis, becoming impatient. He was anxious to get through this round and on to his coronation in the next. "OK, OK. Hang on. I've almost finished," I replied. I had finished writing, and my definition was believable, I thought. I read it back to myself: Wanghee: a small South American bird that nests in the fur of other animals. It sounded good. Very good. I handed it to Lewis and awaited the usual smirk of confirmation that normally followed the reading of the answers. It never came. In fact, my submission was greeted with a slight shake of the head. What did that mean? Lewis had played this game many times before, and I was but a Balderdash virgin. Had the definition been used in a previous game that the members of his family were sure to recollect? Was it so stupid that not even Linda might choose it? "A wanghee," Lewis began. "Is it . . ." My heart raced as Lewis read the first four definitions, leaving mine as one of the final two: ". . . Chinese bamboo used for making canes; or a small South American bird that nests in the fur of other animals?" God, it sounded even better when accompanied by the other definitions. "Yep. I've heard of that. It's the South American bird." There was an air of certainty about Lisa's response. She sounded so convincing, it was just enough to plant a seed of belief in the minds of the others. "I'll go for that too," added Cliff, the grandfatheSmith, Rich is the author of 'You Can Get Arrested for That 2 Guys, 25 Dumb Laws, 1 Absurd American Crime Spree', published 2006 under ISBN 9780307339423 and ISBN 0307339424.