Unusually Stupid Celebrities A Compendium of All-star Stupidity

1 THE CONCERNED CELEBRITY Celebrities on the World Around Us Celebrities are like superheroesthey are powerful beings who can use their special skills for good. Or evil, for that matter. So let us take a look at how celebrities use their power on the world stage. Celebrities Solve All the World's Problems, Part 1 It is terribly easyand terribly unfairto dismiss celebrities as mere pretty faces. These people are thinkers and carers and doers. Like so many of us, they worry about the world of today, about the pressing problems we face. And, as so-called "creatives," they are chock-full of extremely creative (not to mention innovative) suggestions on how to solve these problems. We are shocked, shocked, that no one has ever acted upon these ideas. Let us take a look, then, at some of the most pressing problems existing in the 21st centuryand the solutions proposed by various celebrities. World Problem #1: Terrorism Celebrity Solution: Put "all the mean people" in a special terrorist country Tara Reid is one helluva prognosticator. In fact, we wonder why she has never been a talking head on CNN. (Open note to CNN: Sign this gal up!) After the London terrorist subway bombings, she came up with a sage idea on how to prevent further terrorism: "I wish all the mean people, if you want to be mean to each other, just buy a country together and blow each other up. Then we'd have no terrorists left. Like, don't kill innocent people for no reason. It's not fair. We love everybody. We'd even like them if they said they're sorry. It's not fair that innocent people are getting hurt. It makes me sad." And this makes us sad too. World Problem #2: The high crime rate Celebrity Solution: Nudity on television Why listen to endless debates about the pros and cons of gun control? The issue, apparently, isn't about bearing arms, but baring arms . . . and breasts . . . and everything else. Or, to put it more succinctlyas rapper and erstwhile social reformer Nelly sums it up: "I could turn on just about any television channel in Europe and see full nudity. And their crime rate is a lot lower than ours. Go figure." Excellent point, Nelly! World Problem #3: The environment Celebrity Solution: Educate yourself Yes, this sounds a little simplistic, but as any celebrity could tell you, it's vital to keep up with studies about pollution, the greenhouse effect, global warming, etc. It's not enough to just drive a Prius. Instead, we should all take a page from actress Kate Bosworth's book and be students of environmental issues. Know the facts! Learn everything you can! This will enable you to make the right choices to protect Mother Earth. Just listen to her commentary: "There was just a study done actually, I saw it on Regis and Kelly, I can't remember how many hours a year a person uses being in their car in L.A., but it's, like, a lot of time." World Problem #3a: The environment Another Celebrity Solution: Shit in the woods Drew Barrymore realizes the way to saving the environment is for all of us to live more in tune with nature. Drewwho, incidentally, earns about $15 million a filmspent some time in a primitive Chilean village for an MTV series. "I aspire to be like them more," she raved (perhaps ignoring their high infant mortality rate and short life expectancies). Highlight of her visit? "I took a poo in the woods hunched over like an animal. It was awesome." World Problem #4: War Celebrity Solution: Anus-smelling ActoPetras, Ross is the author of 'Unusually Stupid Celebrities A Compendium of All-star Stupidity', published 2007 under ISBN 9780812977509 and ISBN 0812977505.