More Hot Sex

Chapter One Sex for Singles Get more of it, make the most of it Being single gets bad press, particularly if you're female. Ask people to conjure up an image of a single woman and Bridget Jones comes to mind: a plump, lonely, late-night ice-cream scoffer whose two best friends are wine and cigarettes. Men fare slightly better--at least there's the dashing, if bordering on sleazy, player hovering alongside the man in the cardigan, hair slicked and parted down the middle, nostrils and ears attractively sprouting hair. Yes, the general impression of "single" is definitely one of barren unhappiness, punctuated by daily bouts of desperate sobbing, TV dinners for one, and phones which are watched but never ring. But there's something horribly wrong with this picture: no single person I know fits the bill. My single friends are gorgeous, gregarious, fun-loving creatures who spend their Saturday nights wickedly flirting and flitting about fabulous bars, restaurants, clubs, or parties. Yes, they might have the occasional moan but 90 percent of the time they're happy, and for good reason . . . Let's be honest here, while sex in a long-term relationship can often be ho-hum, sex when you're single and on a roll can be absolutely marvelous! By merrily playing the field, you can enjoy a potent combination of sporadic sex (having sex on tap tends to dampen desire) and new flesh (the ultimate aphrodisiac for almost all of us). The end result is a dangerously high libido. Life is fun! When relationships aren't serious, they're zero effort and maximum laughs because you don't stick around long enough to hit problems. You don't have to work hard at sex, either, because the newness factor keeps everything hot and steamy. As a sexy singleton you've also got the opportunity to sample different sexual styles: everybody makes love differently and experience means you'll discover your true sexual personality. Sure, sex with someone you love is special and ultimately more satisfying, but no-strings sex with someone who's so delicious you have to pick your tongue up off the floor is pretty damn special, too. Far from wallowing in their aloneness, plenty of singletons are reveling in one of the lustiest times of their lives. It's your choice what category you fall into during your single days--sad or sassy--but don't let anyone tell you differently: it's not about what you look like, it's about having the right attitude. And the right attitude is to enjoy it while you can. This chapter tackles the dilemmas a typical single person faces, everything from how to get laid more often to advice on what to do if the person you've got earmarked for long-term turns out to be the worst lover you've ever come across (or not). But don't let me interrupt your social life--read this on a Monday night when you're not out enjoying yourself. How attractive are you? On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate yourself? If you're typical of the general population, whatever number you assign yourself won't reflect your true worth because most of us aren't even close to objective when judging our own looks. We're capricious--one minute we think we look great, the next we don't. And surprise, surprise, women in particular see faults when they look in the mirror. One reason our perception of ourselves is flawed is because we fail to look at the big picture, whereas people looking in on us do. How attractive we think we are influences our choice of partner: we tend to match up with people who rate the same as us. If you think you're a three, you're not going to feel comfortable lying next to a nine; a nine doesn't usually hook up with a three because they feel short changed. The social exchange theory says people like to maximize their rewards and minimize the costs. "Could I do better?" is a thought which plagues almost all of us at some stage in a relationshCox, Tracey is the author of 'More Hot Sex ', published 2007 under ISBN 9780553383942 and ISBN 0553383949.