Facing the Schoolyard Bully How to Raise and Assertive Child in an Aggressive World

The Difference between Male and Female Bullies "At the end of the eighth grade my parents decided I would benefit from a high-profile Catholic school in a wealthy area of town," a teenager recounts. "I was sent to this school not knowing a single person. My first day in English class started it all. Kevin was a boy in my class who sensed my insecurity and nervousness right from the start. He made up this rumor that I was a lesbian. From that day on, he and his friend taunted me, shoved me into lockers, tripped me in the balls, embarrassed me and kept me miserable. Teachers picked up on it and always punished them, which made it worse because they would make up some new rumor about me. One day I went to school and found out they had been suspended. It turned out that I hadn't been the only girl who had been bullied by these boys. A brave girl had reported them to the principal and the boys were suspended for sexual harassment." Childhood is an equal opportunity world, as far as bullying goes. Girls and boys both have a hand in it, and studies show they are equally aggressive -- though that aggression may manifest itself in different ways. Girls have been known to surround a male victim and beat him expertly and savagely. And boys bullying girls -- including ogling and rumor-mongering -- has long been an accepted part of school life. I remember vividly the fear I felt in high school when the lunch bell rang. I knew I would have to pass the gym on the way to the cafeteria and face the jocks who slumped against the radiators "rating" the girls and making suggestive remarks. On occasion the male gym teachers hung out there too with lewd grins of their own. I sometimes opted to eat my lunch in the washroom stall rather than face that gauntlet. It never occurred to any of us girls that we had a right to complain. And yet studies show that when ignored, and even subtly condoned by school officials, this type of bullying can be linked to date rape and domestic violence. It is only recently that this type of bullying has earned its own title: sexual harassment. Both boys and girls find themselves the butt of the bully's so-called jokes, but some studies show that boys more often identify themselves as the pranksters. Boys are more likely than girls to say they would join in a bully's pranks. And boys are more likely to suggest striking back at a bully if they find themselves being attacked. Girls, on the other hand, opt for avoidance and getting help from friends as the best plan of defense. Much of the difference between the sexes can be attributed to society, and media in particular. Just look at the toys aimed at boys -- action figures, games of militaristic might -- and their favorite TV shows -- World Wrestling Federation, Beast Wars, and the venerable Batman. The lesson is simple and scary: whether you're a good guy or a bad guy, guys use force to get their way. Girls, meanwhile, are socialized to hold back their anger and internalize their problems; if they are bullied, they are somehow at fault. The gap between male and female physical bullying may be narrowing, in North America at least. In the last two decades the incidence of female bullying has risen dramatically. One international study found that girls in Canada are more likely to be picked on than girls in other countries. Police and school officials report female-perpetrated violence is becoming more frequent -- and just as vicious as male violence. A study of ninth grade girls in Ontario showed they were more likely than their male peers to say they would take another student's lunch money, beat up or threaten somebody with a weapon, or steal using threats of physical violence at school. In a second study, girls in sixth to eighth grades were more likely than their male peers to report threatening another student or hurting others using a weapon. It's not ceZarzour, Kim is the author of 'Facing the Schoolyard Bully How to Raise and Assertive Child in an Aggressive World' with ISBN 9781552094563 and ISBN 1552094561.