Death of a Pta Goddess

Chapter 1 Brake Fast "What!?!" my daughter, Karen, cried as I tried to relax my two-handed, white-knuckled grip on the dashboard. "You said 'Stop,' so I stopped!" "Yes, but the brake doesn't need to be stomped on as though you're crushing a cockroach. Neither does the accelerator." I gave a glance behind me at my best friend, Lauren, and her daughter, Rachel. Lauren's face was almost as pale as the whites of her eyes, although Rachel was smiling and appeared to be enjoying our bone-jarring ride. Lauren and I had combined forces, thinking a joint driving lesson for both of our daughters at once would be killing two birds with one stone. We had miscalculated; this was killing two mothers with one car. Softening my voice, I added, "They're pedals, not on-off buttons." "How was I supposed to know that?" Silently I retorted: By listening to my instructions and observing how we've been hurled forward or backward like crash dummies! My reply, however, was a reasonably even-voiced "Now you do," while I reminded myself that, although there were nicer ways to spend a chilly Saturday morning than circling a deserted parking lot at Carlton Central School, there were worse ways, as well. Not that I could think of any at the moment. "Jeez, Mom!" Karen cried. "If you think I'm such a hopeless case, why can't I just get Dad to teach me?" The true answer was: Because I lost the coin-flip, but I replied, "I don't think you're a 'hopeless case,' and you will get plenty of lessons from your father." Starting tomorrow and lasting for many, many months. Even if that required my buying a two-headed coin. I took a calming breath, which didn't seem to do the trick. "Let's go over the basics again, starting with the pedals." "I'm never going to be able to drive! I'll be the only graduate in the history of Carlton Central School without a driver's license!" "That's not true. My sister didn't get her license until she was in college." "So it's hereditary?" Karen shrieked. "I come from a line of slow learners behind the wheel? This is going to kill my popularity at school! Nobody's ever going to want to hang with someone too stupid to drive!" I was not about to enter into a catastrophizing contest with my daughter. At sixteen, Karen had mastered that particular skill, and I would lose. "Okay, then." I clapped my hands once in a smack-something-other-than-your-daughter move. "Back to the basics. Long, thin pedal on the rightgas pedal. Requires a light, steady pressure to make the car go. Squarish, high pedal on the leftbrake pedal. Activates our power brakes and stops the car. Use your right foot only and, remember, both pedals are never pressed at the same time." "I didn't! I was . . . transitioning." That excuse was a new one on me, and I had no response. I rubbed at my eyes, trying to quell the nervous tic that was developing. I turned to Lauren and Rachel behind me. "You're sure that the driver's ed class has no openings?" "Not till June," Lauren replied. I returned my attention to Karen. "And we can't wait three months because . . . ?" Karen clicked her tongue again at my profound ignorance. "All our friends are driving already. Tell her, Rachel."O'Kane, Leslie is the author of 'Death of a Pta Goddess' with ISBN 9780449007211 and ISBN 0449007219.